New Plan of Action!

Wow.  My mama and I have been so busy that I just haven't had much time to post anything.  So sorry for the delay.  I tried to post a couple weeks ago, but the website wasn't working properly, so I'll just have to catch you all up on the last couple of weeks in one super long post!



I went hiking with my mentors, Lola, Abbey, and Jake, and their wonderful humans, and for the most part, I did really well.  I love hiking, so as long as I was leading the pack, everything was wonderful.  I threw a few fits, unfortunately, but Mama, the other humans, and my mentors handled it well.  My first fit was because Jake left our group for a while and then came back.  You see, if you leave my group, you are no longer part of my group, and when you come back, you are once again A Strange and Scary Dog, so I screamed at him for a little bit, but I did eventually get over it all on my own, and then we got back to our hiking. 

I got mad at Jake again a little later because he decided to walk next me instead of behind me, and I just wasn't quite ready for that yet, so I might have screamed a few bad words, but shortly after that, Lola started hiking next to me, and though I was a little tense, I didn't mind so much.  Maybe I was just getting used to the idea.

A lady came jogging by with two dogs who were off leash at first.  We asked her to leash her dogs, which she did, but that didn't stop me from screaming at them how much I wanted the trail to be all ours and nobody else's.  No Strange and Scary Dogs allowed!  The lady ran really, really fast when I started screaming.  I'm sorry, Lady! I really do like humans!


I know that sounds like a lot of badness, but really, I mostly had a wonderful time.  I mostly walked on a short leash, and I mostly smiled, and Mama had a wonderful time hanging with her human friends, so it was great day.

This past Sunday, I was asked to stay home from training class, but I was invited to my very own special private training with Marthina, Mary, and Anna, the wonderful trainers from Our Pack.  Mama was pretty excited about the event, but she wouldn't tell me what was going to happen.  When I got there, I could smell lots and lots of dogs, so I was pretty tense.  I got out of the car, and everything seemed okay.  There were quite a few humans and dog smells, but no dogs.  Mama introduced me to a big, strong man and then gave my leash to him.  She has never let anyone hold my leash before, so I knew this was going to be big.

Then, Marthina brought out my friends from past training classes, you know... those special dogs that look and smell like dogs but have stuffing instead of guts.  I said hi to them, and they kind of ignored me, so I got bored with them.  Next, Marthina brought out Dr. Dexter.  I said a few anxious things to him, but I remembered Dr. Dex from before, and he refused to be scary.  He didn't have a wall to hide his head behind like he did when we first met, but he still turned around so that I could only scream at his butt, and that just got old fast.  Then, my mentor, Lola, appeared with her human.  I was a little more tense again, but, well... it was Lola.  As long as she wasn't too terribly close, I didn't mind.  Suddenly, this dark blue girl named Tink appeared.  I didn't know Tink.  I was sure she could be some horrible alien beast under that pretty blue facade, so I screamed at her to get away!  I screamed loud and long and yanked on my leash and lunged and pulled, but I noticed that with the big, strong man holding my leash, no one cared.  I couldn't budge him an inch, and it was like everyone was completely ignoring my screaming.  I kept looking up at Mama to tell me what to do, but she wouldn't respond!  I even tried looking at Marthina since I knew she was the super big boss lady, but she wouldn't tell me either!!  So I screamed some more until I got kinda tired of screaming, and I noticed that Tink didn't really care that I was screaming, so eventually I stopped.  Surely nothing more could happen after that.

Oh, but I was wrong.  Out waltzed this tiny little pit bull named Hannah.  I later learned that Hannah was deaf, which explains why my screaming didn't bother her, and she kept looking right at me.  Granted, she looked at me like I was a complete nutter while I was screaming my head off, not like she wanted to hurt me, but I was scared and didn't know what to do with myself, and she was the fourth dog right next to me, so I screamed and barked and screamed and lunged and barked and pulled and screamed until I had foamy stuff around my mouth, and you know what?  Hannah didn't care either.  No one cared.  And being so anxious and pitching such a huge fit is really exhausting.  So I stopped caring, too.  We did some pack walking.  Then I lied down.  All the dogs were close to me, and I just decided that it wasn't worth freaking out over it anymore.  I was quiet for nearly 30 minutes before the big, strong man finally let me go back into my car.

I slept really good that night.

Marthina has a new action plan for me.  Since I do really well with the hiking and since she thinks my progress in class has slowed a bit because it's all just very overwhelming for me, she is going to have me go hiking with my mentors and a few different dogs every other week, and on the off weeks that I'm not hiking, I'll be doing the same kind of training I did this past Sunday.  The humans have been calling it "extinction training."  Mama says this very same method is used for humans with post traumatic stress disorder.  The idea behind it is to allow someone to face their trigger, to face the very thing that scares them to death, but without ever having to face any of the bad things that used to follow those triggers, and gradually the traumatized person learns how to calm his or herself and starts to believe that no bad stuff will happen when faced with the scary thing.  So that is how we are going to work on my training from now on.  I have to learn to calm myself, and I'm going to face my scariest fears head on over the next few weeks, but hopefully I will come to trust that my mama will never ever put me in an unsafe situation.  That kind of trust is very hard for me.

On a much happier note, Mama's and my human friend, Lise, bought me a super wonderful gift.  I now have a collar fit for a queen!  Now, don't you worry, Sirius Republic.  Mama and I will stay faithful to your awesome brand for all my training needs as you have the perfect mix of durability, practicality, and economy, but this treat of a collar from Ella's Lead was the dog equivalent to a diamond necklace.  Mama says I am super beautiful in it, and I have to admit that I love it, too, so thank you so very much, Lise, for being one of my best supporters, such a good friend to Mama, and for your amazing generosity.  I love my gift so much!

Training Weeks Nine and Ten... Or So...

Thanks to the wonderful support of Mama's and my human friends, we are back in classes for a bit, and I sure am bringing some spice to class!

My first day back was pretty challenging.  I had regressed a little, and it took me quite a while to feel comfortable enough to come out of the car, but eventually I did settle down and got some good training in.

I met a new dog that day.  He was a special dog that smelled like a dog and looked like a dog, but apparently, he had stuffing instead of guts, and he didn't ever get upset when I yelled at him.  He also avoided eye contact all the time, so he wasn't very threatening.  Mama said that she didn't really want me to hurt this dog, but if I did bite him, he wouldn't even notice, and I believed her because Mama was super relaxed about letting me just charge right up to him while I was cussing him out.  As soon as I got close, though, I changed my mind about being mean and decided I'd prefer to make a friend, so I sniffed his privates (Actually, I couldn't find them!), and then I groomed his neck, and I loved him very much.

A little after that, I gave Mama a bit of a scare.  I was being super good, so Mama and I were relaxing and sitting on the grass chatting with friends, and I suddenly had the urge to lunge at my mentor buddy, Jake.  Since Mama's feet weren't planted on the ground underneath her, she didn't have any leverage, and I dragged her 115 pounds a good 10 feet with very little effort.  Mama was doing everything she could to get me away from Jake, so she wasn't really watching what I was doing, but Jake's mama was watching, and guess what she said... I didn't wanna hurt Jake.  Jake is my friend!  I just wanted to really meet him close up and get to know him!  So I sniffed him until Mama finally succeeded in rolling herself up in the leash and flipping me over her body.  I could tell I really freaked Mama out, which always freaks me out, but while Mama was begging forgiveness from the offended parties, Jake's mama was totally relaxed and told Mama what really happened.  My mama has so little faith in me.  I'm sad to say that she didn't really believe it.  But then the mama of my arch nemesis, Roadie, posted a video of me doing a pack walk in class, and in that video, I'm mostly walking very, very nice, but at one point, I do lunge at my friend, Lola, but wanna know what Mama saw when she watched that video of me lunging at Lola?  She saw me wagging my tail and smiling!  I didn't try to be mean to my friend, Lola.  I just wanted to play with her!

So do you believe me yet, Mama?  I'm not a mean dog!  I don't wanna hurt anybody!  I LOVE friends!  I just need to work on my manners quite a bit, and I get very frustrated when I'm stuck on a leash and not allowed to meet other dogs.  Oh, and sorry about the poop I dragged you through.  I wouldn't want that smeared across my back either. :-(

Today's class was very interesting.  I confess I was behaving a bit like I had bipolar disorder, but Mama says I can blame it on her.  She was tired, loaded up on caffeine, and she mentioned something about hormones (Geeze, Mama!  Get spayed already.  It helps.).  So I was feeding off of Mama's emotions.  She's so much more confident with me being near other dogs than she used to be, so sometimes I was completely chilled out, and she very nearly marched me right into the middle of the class a few times.  But Mama was also an anxiety-ridden wreck today, so periodically, I would spazz out and say nasty words.  Roadie has been really, really nice to me the last few weeks, but I cussed him out badly enough today that he told me in no uncertain terms to shut up and get over myself.  He had to have a quick timeout, too, but he wants to be a good dog and has more practice at it, so he recovered quickly and got right back into class.  I continued my rapid cycles of chilling out and freaking out.

After class, Mama's friends and my mentor dogs decided to take me on a short walk to get an idea how I'm going to do on my Big Event tomorrow.  At first, my mentors led the way, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to be in front, so Mama got pretty irritated with me for pretending to be a mushing husky, but really, she should have been focusing on the fact that all I cared about was being in front, and I had no interest in saying a single mean thing to anybody! On the way back, I got to lead everyone, and I hate to brag, but I was perfect.  I checked on the folks behind me from time to time, but I walked on a loose leash, and I trotted with my head held high.  I was actually walking with friends for the first time in my life and enjoying it!!!

Tomorrow, Mama and her friends have something really exciting planned, and I am looking forward to my Big Event.  I'm going hiking.  That's right.  I'm going for a nice long walk with my mentor friends, Lola, Jake, and Abbey, and their humans.  One of the humans is even being kind enough to take time off work to help me learn to hike with friends.  I'm excited to show Mama that I can have friends and that I can learn to have structured social time, and Mama is super thrilled that her human friends have created this safe environment to help me continue to grow and learn to have better manners in public.

So here is what we are working on now:  I am going to work hard on learning to have nice manners in public, and Mama is going to work hard to change how she thinks about me.  She's not going to allow herself to say any more tongue-in-cheek-type things about me wanting to "eat" other dogs or giving them "death threats" because, even though I sometimes sound kinda scary, that's just not what is going on.  I'm anxious, I'm excited, and I'm scared all at once, and I don't really know what to do with myself, so my actions can be a little misleading, but just as I showed Mama right away that even though I was scared of humans, I love them so very much, likewise, I wanna have dog friends; I just don't know how to do that yet.  But the best way for Mama to teach me is to stop being scared all the time that my motives are so unwholesome.  Really, I am a good dog!  I just need some help learning to act like it.

Amazing Friends and Training with Mama

Since we couldn't go to class today, Mama took me back to Pet Extreme to work on my training there.  It's pretty tough going to a new place; it takes a while to get back into a groove, but with the tools that Mama acquired working with Our Pack, she stayed calm, read me well, and only made me do what I could handle.  Of course, she made me do the very most that I could handle, but I got to where I was handling much more by the end of our couple of hours there.  I started out super tense and Mama had to keep me behind a wall any time dogs entered the store.  Little by little, I grew more confident, and by the end, Mama was chatting with a nice lady in front of the store while I sat next to her.  During this time, three German shepherds were poking their whole heads out of a parked truck not far away, and an Australian shepherd walked by and was let off leash after it passed me, and I really didn't mind one bit.  Some small dogs even came out of the store while we were sitting there, and though that was much more difficult for me, I resisted the urge to lunge and scream and followed Mama behind a nearby pillar instead so that I wouldn't t have to look at them.  A couple of times when dogs walked by, I actually started to head behind a wall or a pillar myself.  Mama told me that avoiding the scary dogs made me a good girl.  Eventually, we even walked into the entryway of the store where I got to greet a few of the nice workers there.  I saw a little poodle, though, and I might have been okay just avoiding it, but the poodle's Mama was scared of me, which made me and the poodle very nervous, so I had to leave.  But I came back and did better the next time.  I even enjoyed laying down on the cold floor in the store!

Mama was so much more relaxed than when we used to come to Pet Extreme before we took classes.  She was singing just like she does at home.  She was super patient and let me just sit or stand around for long periods of time until I got bored, and then we practiced walking to a scary place and then immediately turning around and going back to our hiding spot behind the wall.  We did this many times.  The scenery may have been different, but it was really just like class.  Most of the people who saw Mama working with me were very supportive, too.  So, while we missed our friends at class, we made the most of our time and had a wonderful training day anyway.

But I have some great news!

Mama and I have some of the best human friends ever, and they wanted to make sure that Mama and I had the support we needed to keep learning and getting better, so this is what's going on:

1.  Mama got an anonymous donation that will enable us to keep going to class for ANOTHER WHOLE MONTH!!!  Oh, much can be learned in a month!  Thank you, good friend!
2.  Several of my mentor friends are going very far out of their way to teach me how to go hiking safely with the HikeABull club.  I get to go on my first hike early in June with a small group of humans who know and understand my needs and a few of my mentor pibbles who are really good at ignoring me what I have my moments of freaking out.  A couple of people are actually taking time off work to help me do this, and another person is going to cover the expense of gas when we actually make it to go hiking with the club.

Sister wasn't really happy about having her picture taken, but this is how I celebrated having such good friends today.

So Mama has been a giddy, blubbery dork all night because of all the support and generosity of our good friends.  Thank you everyone for not giving up on me, for continuing to make sure Mama has the tools she needs to help me, and for making me believe that humans really are as wonderful as I want them to be.  The more I trust the humans, the more I'll trust the dogs you are with.  Thank you so much, friends!

Empty Pockets and Noxious Fumes

I have some sad news.  Okay, I don't mind it so much, but Mama is pretty sad about it.  Unfortunately, she can't afford to drive me 2 hours each way to my training class anymore.  She keeps saying something about blood and turnips that makes no sense to me, but I'm pretty sure that the short of it is that, as important as my training classes are, eating is more important, and Mama just can't afford both.

BUT!!!

Because of all the wonderful help Mama has received from Our Pack and especially from Marthina McClay, Mama now has the tools to continue my training on her own.  Oh, we know it won't be quite as good on our own, but I know my Mama has learned a whole bunch, so I think she can do a better job of helping me now than before we took some classes.  We will try to drop in on the class every once in a while for Mama to refresh her memory on how to stay calm, but for now, Mama intends on spending her extra Sunday hours looking for a better job.

Airing out.

In other news, I did something naughty yesterday.  I sneaked into Sister's room where I found something wonderful and glorious... kitty food!  I scarfed whole big bunches of that divine manna from heaven before Sister caught me and kicked me out.  Unfortunately, my tummy didn't like the kitty food nearly as much as my brain did.  Mama was up with me all night while explosions kept coming out of both ends.  I was a very good girl, and I did not have one single accident no matter how sick I was, and I even ran onto the linoleum to throw up so that Mama wouldn't have to try to clean it off the carpet.  But, ooooooooh man!  I'm just not sure that kitty food was worth it.  All day today, I've been fumigating the property with the noxious gas that keeps coming out of my butt.  Mama had to work with the windows open and the fans on.  I think I'm finally on the mend.  The explosions have started to subside and the stench is waning.  If I ever try to eat that stuff again, someone please stop me!

Mother's Day Progress and Other Triumphs

I sure love playing with Sister!

A few days ago, Mama and her friend took me for a walk.  Mama usually takes me on a special route through the orchards to avoid a super mean akita/shiba inu mix who is chained and threatens to kill me every time I pass.  After breaking his chain twice and coming after my mama, his owner, who beats him with a riding crop, has learned to keep him more secure, but he's really mad about it, so he's pretty dangerous.  Of course, I know a dangerous dog when I see one, so when I have seen him, even from across the street and hiding behind 3 rows of orchard, I've become so irate that Mama has had to throw me over her shoulder to walk past him safely.  I really haven't known how to behave when passing this mean dog.

Since Mama was with her friend, she absent mindedly took me along the old route.  She considered turning around, but since I've had so much training since the last time I passed this dog, Mama decided to see how I would react.  She stayed across the street and 3 rows into the orchard so that I was pretty far away from the mean dog.  I definitely started getting nervous when we got to where I could see him between the trees.  I cried a bit and pulled on my leash.  So Mama made me sit down and look at her.  I looked.  Mama took a deep breath and relaxed all her muscles.  So I relaxed my muscles.  Mama yawned really, really big, so I sat on the side of my hip.  Mama smiled.  I started to look at the mean dog again, but before I got all upset about it, I remembered what I'd been learning in class, and I looked in the opposite direction instead.  Then I looked at Mama again, and she gave me the walk command.  So I walked.  I was still nervous, and I might have tugged a little and cried a tiny bit, but ultimately, I did what Mama asked without fighting her. 

Mama wished she had time to make me walk back and forth and keep passing this dog.  I guess that's going to be my next major training session with her.

Then came Sunday's training class with Our Pack.  I am super duper happy to be able to say that I made up for last week.  Mama was so proud!  She said it was the best Mother's Day present I could give her.

After all the dogs arrived, it took me a little longer than usual to calm down, but Mama decided to give me as much time as I needed so that I could start the session out as calm as possible.  Once I was out of the car, I was ready to work!  I worked right next to the intermediate class.  When they were walking in a circle, I was walking a third of the way around the outside of that circle and then turning around and coming back so that I was often facing dogs.  The walking back was always the hardest because it did make me more scared, so I was often tempted to try to scare the dogs that I was looking at, but Mama said I was much easier to manage than I had been, and I must not have been pulling too hard because Mama's hand didn't hurt after class like it usually does.

Mama tried to have me walk all the way around the intermediate class, but that meant that I had to walk between the intermediate class and the beginning class, and some of those beginners are pretty spicy dogs, so I couldn't quite handle that, but I suspect that will be Mama's next goal.  I guess she figures that if I can walk between the classes without reacting, I might be ready to actually be in a class.  That still seems pretty scary to me, but no one has eaten me yet, so I'm just gonna try to trust Mama and keep working toward that goal.

At one point, Mama walked me right up close to a tiny little dog, and I completely ignored her.  I usually think little dogs are food, so it made Mama very happy that I just paid attention to Mama and never once tried to eat her.

Mother's Day training class was my best. class. ever.

Also, since some of you know that I've had some issues with fear aggression toward humans, I want to let you all know that Mama keeps introducing me to people, and almost all of them have used very nice manners with me, so I've come to trust them and love them right away.  The few that haven't used the best manners haven't even bothered me because I'm really starting to trust Mama when she tells me that people are friends.  I haven't said a bad word to a human in a few months (and that last human was a guy taking our order at an In & Out drive through who reached into the car without Mama's permission), and I sure have given a lot of kisses to them.

So guess what all this means... I'm still getting better!  It takes a really long time to train the brain to think differently.  Mama says you humans aren't really any better at that.  But I'm still working at it, and I'm still improving.  Thank you to my mentors and for all the encouragement you give me and Mama.  It sure helps us to keep going!

Oops, I Did It Again!

I didn't really want to write this post.  I'm kind of embarrassed about Sunday.  But Mama said I should share with everyone how it went because it might encourage others who don't have perfect dogs.  We pibbles like to be perfect, so admitting this is not easy.

You see, I had a bad day at training.  There were lots of dogs.  There were new dogs.  There were spicy dogs.  There were vocal dogs.  And there was a whole lot of scary testosterone.  I've had lots of babies.  I don't like what testosterone does.  Those boys are just crazy.

So I was scared.  I spent the whole class very anxious.  I was still way better than I was my first few weeks of training.  I got to come out of the car and spend some time on the lawn.  I even did some pack walking.  But I just couldn't focus on my mama or my treats.  I'd have good moments... and then I'd get scared.  I was at least brave enough to show Mama how scared I was instead of always putting on my tough face.

Thankfully, my mama still loves me, and she said she wasn't disappointed at all.  She's been told all about something called "spontaneous recovery."  I think those big words just mean that sometimes I'm going to forget my training, so Mama was just waiting for that day to come.  It came.

But Mama is full of encouraging words to me.  She says that I will have good days and bad days and that gradually, I will have less bad days, and the bad days will become less bad.  She promised she didn't love me one bit less after my bad training day.

But my bad day wasn't over after training class.  You humans probably know that there was some big political event that happened.  I don't understand politics at all, but I understand guns, and around here, people celebrate by shooting them.  Toward my house.  I could hear the boom of the gun firing followed by the smack of the bullet hitting trees near Mama's and my bedroom.  I am terrified of guns.  I can handle thunder and fireworks, but I've seen horrible things with guns, so I spent the evening hiding under Mama's feet and shaking.  Then, when she finally went to bed, I refused to sleep and stood guard over Mama all night.  Guns are scary, but I knew Mama couldn't protect me while she slept, so I had to protect her.

I'm very tired today.  I haven't heard any scary guns, and Mama didn't even take me for a walk, so I've spent the day decompressing... and sleeping.  Lots and lots of sleeping.

This is my greyhound brother Anubis and me.  I love him very much.

Mama says the week can only get better from here.

Training Class on Easter

You'd think that Mama would give me a big ham for Easter.  You'd think that she'd finally let me eat one of the bunnies she hides from me.  I mean, the humans eat chocolate bunnies for Easter, so why can't I have one of the angora bunnies?  But no.  Mama made me go to training class.

I spent almost the whole class on the lawn watching everyone work.  I was so very close to be able to participate, but every now and then I would have a moment of insecurity and have to freak out a little bit.  My freak-outs sure are smaller than they used to be, though.  No one is worried about my screaming upsetting the neighbors anymore, so that is a really good thing.

Mama also spent a whole lot of the class walking around the park with me.  She was practicing being calm and relaxed.  I guess Mama never knew that she was as high strung as her dogs.  We are trying to teach her that we are the result of her own tension.  When she relaxes, I do soooo much better.  So we both have stuff we have to practice, and we are both getting better.

After class, Mama and her friends decided to just sit around and chat.  This would have been perfectly fine except that Mama's friends all have dogs, too.  Most of the dogs went home or eventually went to stay in their car, but Lola, one of my mentors stuck around.  She sat with her mama, and I sat with my mama.  Sometimes I laid down and was super relaxed.  Other times, I would remember that Lola was near and feel scared again, so I would say bad words and lunge at her.  It's harder for Mama to hold my leash when she is sitting down because she doesn't have very much leverage, and dragging her 115 pounds along the ground is child's play for me, so once, to stop me from dragging her around, Mama actually had to roll herself up in the leash until I rolled right over her body.  That got my attention, so after that and with the help of a spray bottle from one of Mama's friends to remind me that I shouldn't say bad words, I mostly behaved.

So let me paint the picture for you.  Mama and her friends were sitting in a circle talking.  I was laying next to Mama, and Lola was laying next to her Mama, and I was being good enough that everyone was able to have a conversation with only the occasional interruption.  When I think of how terrified I was at my very first class and how I screamed from inside my car the whole time, this is really pretty cool.  I'm still nervous, but every day, I can handle just a little more.

The day after Easter, Mama took me and my greyhound brother Anubis up to her parents' property in Grass Valley.  We got to go for a nice long walk that was kinda like a hike.  I loved it so much.  I played in a creek and dunked my whole head in the water.  It was fun to explore all the new places.  I had a very hard time when we had to pass by some horses, but Mama made me stop until I calmed down and then helped me walk by them.  I pulled like I do at the beginning of pack walks in training class, and I was super tense, but I did stop my screaming.  On the way back, we had to pass them again.  It still made me nervous, but I didn't pull nearly as hard, and I didn't make any bad noises.  Mama wished we could have spent the next 30 minutes walking past those horses, but Mama's mama was holding Anubis' leash, and she had to get home.  Still, it was another step forward and another triumph for me!

I don't have any photos of me hiking, but I do have these cute photos to show you how much I love my greyhound brother.  I hope you enjoy them!